So next week I am off to the Dentist in Geelong to check out a root canal issue. This means about now is the time to begin stressing. I take my dentist stressing very seriously. It has to be the right level between outright fear and complete comfort. Jamie will tell that this is down to my orthodontic treatment as a kid, that is has left me with deep scars.

I call bollocks.

My fear of dentist can really be down to 2 main reasons. Firstly I go to a dentist on a wing and prayer because you never know what they are going to discover. You go to the Doctor because you have an issue, such as this…

Dr: How are you today Roz🌻?

Me: Well, I have this horrible pain in my arm.

Dr: Ahhhh, well I think that’s probably because it seems to have fallen off.

Case closed. Something hurt, Dr diagnosed it and all is good.

Dentist visits go very differently…

Dentist: And how have you been Roz🌻?

Me: Great, been brushing, doing my flossing, mouthwash. I am feeling good.

Dentist: Ohhhh, ummmm, 3 cavities, 1 root canal and an extraction

WTF!!!

Don’t get me started on Jamie’s visit. The guy brushes once a day, never flosses, never uses mouthwash and rocks up after 5 years of no visits to one tiny cavity requiring no numbing. It’s a sore point in this marriage let me tell you.

My second point of fear is the language. I lie back, open my mouth and he/she begins reeling off words. Long, terrifying words.

‘1,2, 3 partial eruption..:

What the hell is erupting in my mouth!! I am not a child, my teeth are all accounted for so what is going on and how did I miss it.

“Watch on 4..”

What are you watching? Why are you watching it? stop talking in code!!

“10, 11, 12, supercalafragalistic, 13”

Complete piss take. How much easier would it be to say,’tooth fine, tooth fine, oh look a bit of shadow, let’s check that later.’ I would definitely leave the dentist feeling less like I have just got 3 rounds with Mike Tyson.

Although nothing quite beats skipping out of the dentist having aced your test – oh yes it is a test people.

So if you see me in the next few days with a look of complete panic on my face you know I am working on my panic level… and losing.